Tuesday, March 23, 2010

consume me from the inside out.

I'm stress myself out way too much. I lose sleep because I worry too much. I'm constantly thinking about the list of things I have to get done. Lately, I've had a lot on my plate. It seemed like it was just one thing after another. For starters, a month ago everything was going pretty good. It had been a long time that I could say I was completely happy. I was excited and content. For the first time I was in a new relationship with a Godly man. I had dated many guys that yes, loved the Lord, but never had I been with someone who was so strong in their faith and lived his life every single day for Him. The relationship soon ended when he told me he still had feelings for another girl... I respected him for telling me immediately but I was also so hurt because I thought everything was perfect between us. The entire time we dated he pursued me completely. He assured me he knew what he wanted. And as soon as I got to that place where I felt comfortable where our relationship was going - he changed his mind. I've been told that "when things are going perfect - that's when you need God the most". I don't feel like I was getting too distracted by this relationship - I continued to put God first in all that we did...I try to remind myself that he just wasn't "the one". Now it's extremely difficult because he and I are involved in the same Christian organization at our university. He's even in my Sunday night Bible study, and we have a lot of mutual friends. So it is really hard. We have talked since the break-up, and I told him that I'd love to stay friends, I'm not mad at him. But it's a continuous struggle getting over this guy that I still have strong feelings for - because he did nothing wrong, but change his mind. Today he was tagged in a few pictures with a new girl - so I guess that's her. God, give me strength to move on.
The day after my relationship ended there were several instances that came up at school that I had to make instant decisions. My decision would affect the next year of school - it depended on whether or not I would get in to the Nursing Program. LOTS of pressure! But with God's help - I survived those few weeks.
I'm constantly trying to remind myself to STOP WORRYING! Be patient!! God has a plan for me. He will handle it all. Everything is working out just exactly how it's supposed to! For whatever reason the relationship didn't work out - God didn't want it to last. And when I was thrown a couple of curve balls - I got through it because of Him. It's times like those when we must pick ourselves up, take life by the reigns and carry on! We sing this song at our Thursday night worship service and it's been stuck in my head this past week -
I want to be consumed "from the inside out" with his grace and mercy. ALL that I do I want him to guide and direct me. I strive every day now, to look to Him for guidance. I'm learning how to GIVE IT ALL to God every day.
_________________________________________


A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Chorus 2x
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

2 comments:

God's girl said...

Never heard this song before but I love it! Thanks for sharing:) Look forward to walking next to you in your journey

Hayley Kathryn said...

Thank you Heaven! I'm glad you like the song! It speaks so sweetly to me.