So I've had a case of writer's block the past few days. I've tried to think of something inspirational to post. Some Bible verses that have spoke to me recently, or a good lesson. But all I can think of right now is me. I have a lot going on and some big decisions coming up soon. Finishing up the semester, looking for a new apartment, as well as a new roommate, possibly giving up my dog, and waiting to hear if I got in my University's nursing school. I know I'm being selfish- all I can think about lately is ME, ME, ME. And what's going on in MY life. Poor, pitiful, ME, right?? I know. I'm sorry. However, in stressing out with all of this- I am trying to keep the Lord as the center of my focus. I know He will lead me in the right direction.
It's the end of my fourth year in college and I'm still a couple of years away from graduating. Although I am not in a hurry, it is hard to see all of my friends starting their lives with a job, a fiance or husband, and some even beginning to start a family! In my college career, I took a few detours- most of us do. Rarely, does anyone stick to the 4 year plan these days. I changed my major several times, and I switched community colleges. I'm finishing my first year at the University of my choice. The exams, the projects, and presentations are starting to build up- and the semester is coming to an end. It's exciting, yet frightening. If my grades don't meet Nursing requirements then I'll be in a huge mess!
I'm also looking for a new place to live. I wanted to get a house, but starting Nursing clinicals (hopefully) this Fall, I just won't have the time to keep up with it. I will rarely even be there. So I decided to just go with an apartment. A few close friends of mine are moving into a different complex and I think I'd love to be neighbors with them! A girl who is in my bible study, as well as several classes with me- we're thinking about rooming together. She has also applied to the program for the Fall, we think it would be very beneficial to both of us to live together. She's a sweetheart. A little younger than me, we have different tastes, but it seems like a good deal. I just pray to God that it will work out for the best.
So about my dog, Bella. She is a 2 year old pomeranian. I got her at 8 weeks old, and she has been the love of my life ever since. Problem: when she was a puppy I did not establish who was boss. She has a very dominant personality, and now she does not respect me. My mom told me over and over that I had to be her master, and not her playmate. Well, I didn't listen and now I'm having problems with her. She adds so much stress to my life. She prevents me from going, and doing so much. I can't just leave her with a friend to babysit- she does not mind! She barks...a lot. So everywhere I go, she goes. My mother has agreed to keep her for a few weeks at a time when I travel, or have final exams, but she will not take her... I've been asked to live with several of my good friends, but they don't allow pets. So scratch that. I've just been thinking lately that maybe I should find her another home. She is not making me happy. She puts so much stress and extra responsibility on my life- that I don't need. Not to mention when I start Nursing clinicals, I won't even be around. I just don't know what to do. I never would've thought I'd even consider the idea, but maybe it would be best now rather than later.
Some time in May I will find out if I got in to my school's Nursing program. Hundreds apply each semester, and only 40 students make the cut! Each of my classes, over 75% of the students are Nursing majors. Our University is recognized for our program. They are even building a new 23 million dollar facility for the Nursing students- it will be finished this Fall. I'm hoping that means they will accept more students! ...I'm not expecting to get in this first time around. I will reapply for the Spring if I need to. I'm not giving up! The only downside is I have ZERO courses to take this Fall. All of my prereqs are complete, so basically I will be wasting an entire semester if I don't get in... There's just a lot riding on my shoulders for this. I want it so bad. I've worked really hard, but if it's not in God's will- then I will wait.
Okay, enough whining. Thanks for letting me vent! I usually shut down when I get like this. I don't like to talk about my problems. My family knows what I'm going through- but I don't usually spill my worries to my friends. Although I need support, I don't like to sound weak or needy. Because I'm not. I like to listen to others' problems, I like to help people, to comfort and support. I'm so stressed and exhausted with all of this and more- that it's all I can keep my mind on. I lose sleep, and worry too much. I know it's a sin. I need to let GOD handle everything, just like He has done for me. A LOT of prayer will get me through each day. All I can do is take it one day at a time, like my sweet mother tells me...
I know that my worries probably don't even compare to some of yours. I should be thankful, and counting my blessings. My family loves and a supports everything I do. My family and I are healthy. We are blessed beyond compare. Thank you to all of you- some of you incredible ladies post some pretty amazing and inspirational words of God. I love keeping up with your posts! Your encouragement is appreciated more than you know! I pray that I can sleep in peace tonight and give all of my stresses to God.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" - Matthew 6:25-27
