Every three weeks there is a group of approximately 30 college girls that meet together for a ladies' bible study. The sessions are geared toward leading a "pure life". Last night we got together to hear a young woman's testimony. I really love hearing other people's testimonies because I like to know that I'm not the only one with a past. I like to see how I can relate to others and exchange advice. She spoke about her high school/college years and the unhealthy relationship she was involved in. Growing up, she never had a loving, relationship with her father. So she always looked to a guy, a relationsip, or sexual behavior to fulfill that insecurity. She continued to sleep around hoping to find happiness and comfort. Finally, she was introduced to God and the church by a friend of hers years later. A lot of prayer, and a softened heart- she decided that she would take 6 months with no guys in her life. No dating guys, no calling, no guy friends- nothing. She had never developed good relationships with girls or with herself so this would be a time of healing.
During those months she become closer to God than ever before. She prayed to Him, talked to Him, and journaled every day developing a relationship with Him. She was baptized into Christ and accepted Jesus as her Savior. At the end of 6 months with no male contact whatsoever she was prepared, guarded, and ready to find her husband. One day she was introduced to her best friend's older brother. (Lots of sweet, funny, romantic details here)...they started dating. She told us that they had both come from a "sexual past", therefore they were each now living their life for the Lord and were no longer looking to make the same mistakes.
What caught my attention was the BOUNDARIES they set for themselves-- I haven't really put a whole lot of thought into this until now. I'm really glad she brought this up. If you have an unclean past and are longing for a Christian relationship but maybe you think that you cannot remain PURE- you can! With God's help and setting a few boundaries in your relationship- I listed a few below, pay close attention!
*Do not go on dates alone ALL the time. Try going out with friends and other couples.
*Hold off on kissing Make him work for it. Make him WAIT for it. Whether it's weeks or months. (I have my own standards for this one which will be another post- however I did not take it so seriously until she brought this up) This sooner you kiss the sooner you will have that desire to go a little further. Also, the longer you kiss only makes it harder to stop. I know it sounds a little juvenille, but it's the truth.
*Don't spend all hours of the night together. For some reason these mistakes tend to happen at night, and you have no business staying at his place until 3:00am.
*Don't lay down together. Not on the couch, and especially not on the bed. Eventually, this only leads to unpure desires. (Since you/and or him have crossed the line with someone before it will be real easy to do it again) An innocent kiss, laying on the couch can trigger unpure desires and lead to a mistake veryyy quickly.
*Don't spend every single day together. We've all done it. I know I have. When you're in a serious relationship you feel like putting your life on hold to be with him every single day. It's not good because you get too comfortable with each other. Save this for marriage!
*Invest quality time with other GIRLS. Your friendships are one of THE most important treasures in life. Besides, when things go wrong in your relationship you will need friends! We are all guilty of putting our girls on the backburner when we're falling head-over-heels for a new guy. Don't do it! You need them!
Those are just a few thoughtful BOUNDARIES you should consider when dating. I know that I am looking for a husband and I do NOT want to make the same mistakes I have made in the past. So in order to do this I discuss boundaries when I date. I have a list of all the qualities I look for in a man- and I will not bend on these. I suggest every single young woman to do this- writing it down makes it concrete. Keep it in your Bible or in a journal.